Is Greenland Even for Sale? Who Cares? This is America. We Do What We Want.

Thursday, Wall Street Journal broke the news that Big Donald is thinking of buying Greenland, which is basically a whole damned country. 

I jumped straight to the question that was on everyone’s mind:

I didn’t see a listing on Zillow.

After pondering this question for 24 hours, I’ve come to a reasonable conclusion. It doesn’t really matter. This America. If we want Greenland, we’ll buy it.

If we can’t buy it, we’ll trade for it. That would be a little trickier. Technically Greenland is owned by Denmark, but these are minor details. I’d be willing to put up Puerto Rico and California in exchange for that large sheet of ice in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. Maybe we can even get Canada involved in something of a three-team deal. We send Puerto Rico to Denmark, California to Canada, and we split Greenland with the those ice-skating Canucks. They get the northern half because they’re used to the cold.

Greenland said it’s not for sale for Friday. But they’re wrong. Everything is for sale.

All Big Donald needs to do is pick up the phone and start dialing.

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